I'm off to attend a wedding tomorrow, I can't wait! Our weddings last three or four days and we're flying to a relative's house a little early to spend some quality time playing cards and such...then we have a music event which flows into a cocktail party, then the wedding the next day, then the reception. Some of my outfits are so heavily embroidered I can't stand in them for more than about 30 minutes because they weigh me down! Anyway that's the highlight of life right now, so much packing though :( .  Recently made one very very successful batch of cupcakes from scratch, but unfortunately they were accompanied by two not-so-great batches...gotta keep working on those. 

chocolate frosting...

Despite my earlier claim that I stay away from sweets and particularly chocolate, I've developed a recent vice that confuses me as much as it does my mom (I swear I don't know where this sudden craving has come from)..I'm absolutely addicted to chocolate frosting. Not with anything, just frosting. Thus, my Valentine's Day:

Got my nails blinged out for the upcoming events (though knowing me they're gonna last like this for about two days tops before they start chipping)

And, speaking of bling, recently spotted this gem - I have never seen a solid gold, painfully shiny car before.

Legitimately blinding

I shall be internetless for the next two weeks unfortunately, but I'm sure my many many followers will survive without my constant blogging. Fear not, imaginary audience! I will return! I have a new bucket list in life...I can't say these are all incredible but damn I want to go to a whole lot of these...seeing as how the closest one is Beijing, maybe that's the one to aim for. Check it out: http://flavorwire.com/254434/the-20-most-beautiful-bookstores-in-the-world

 I shall end this ramble with a quote of the day. I swear this week's Modern Family is something I expect from my college friends one day! Actually most all of my best friends around..I can see a whole lot of this episode coming true in my life. Sort of how I feel about Always Sunny in Philadelphia too...that shit is Priceless, capital P. Anyway back to the quote... Someone in my life will someday drunkenly admit as Claire did: "I make really good babies. I have, like, magic eggs or something" 

Oh and a special thanks to my dear friend Ange who, instead of joining in on the 'toilet humor' (i use humor loosely) aka just-sayin'-hi-pictures-of-us-and-our-toilets train, sent me this video that may be one of the cutest thing I have ever received...

Thanks love!! 

Valentine's Nails

Can't say I'm the biggest lover of Valentine's Day (I prefer the bloody beheading story of Saint Valentine...until good ole Chaucer stepped in I suppose) but I do love getting my nails done here, and the manicurist today suggested a little design on my pinky to celebrate the upcoming holiday:

Happy Valentine's lovebirds

I usually hate hearts but found this pretty cute. Also this green is becoming one of my favorite colors it's just so...bright!

The other one I quite liked that I've had done recently is a little more Hawaiian to my mind:

My hands are so ugly but focus on the flowers por favor

Well I plan to celebrate Valentine's with some self-pity and my latest rare sweet indulgence: straight frosting. I enjoy every little calorie I've been licking straight off the spoon (and surprisingly, it's chocolate frosting) but it's just SO GOOD. Hope everyone  has a great day!

Stoned Sheep

While I'm on a picture roll, here are some asian culinary 'treats'...

Mmmm...fungus..

This is what I go to Hong Kong for.

These next pictures are a Mongolian specialty called Khorkhog. What is it? Well, basically, a sheep gets stoned. Really, really stoned.  *Warning* these following pictures aren't exactly the most appetizing..

Baa-baa Black Sheep no longer has any wool.

First, we begin with the sheep. Sorry, Mary, the lamb's found his calling. Here's our guy to the right. I call him Black.

I am Black's Disembodied Intestine

They say it's what's on the inside that counts.

I know, we really regretted giving this up..

I know it's shocking but we weren't overly interested in the delicacy, which entails all manner of entrails. The chefs kept that for themselves. Oh, here's a fun thought: condoms are sometimes made of this. THIS.

They say you shouldn't air your dirty laundry in public, but your skinned sheep is totally fine:

And finally they cut up the meat and cook it in a special way - with stones that have been heated in a fire. They're put in the pot together with vegetables and water and the heat from the stones cooks everything until we have the final product:

Voila! Meat to the left ^

Unique yeah, but to me it tasted like boiled meat. Cool to take pictures of, not something I care to repeat though. Moving on to the meat market - some pictures from Mercury (we choose to shop elsewhere for our dead animals), the place where most people get both meat and their vegetables:

This little piggie went to market

The next time someone threatens to cut off your tongue, don't take them too lightly. These cow's pissed someone off big time. And yes, those are their kidneys next to them...

Well, come on down and join us for a meal. Oh and on your way out, don't forget,

This is a legitimate concern in India

More pikchas

 Some oldies...

Where's the fashion police?

Obviously with India's population, the cops have to stand out from the crowds - so what better way than to ride around on something that looks like...well, this?

















We like to get unique with our road signs too:

Some cocktail menus from Bangkok:

Mary got her name legally changed...

And Iceland now has it's very own drink

And finally, an ominous warning sign from Hong Kong

My pictures are worth about two words...

And the two words are "randomly entertaining". Can't you tell my pricey undergraduate degree in english has really given me a way with words? I can't seem to go a day without turning down several hopeful employers. Sorry guys, I've got too much talent to be tied down to a job that pays me real money!

A little trip to the Korean-we-carry-everything-store had me snapping pictures of all these precious little items as I casually slid away from the store clerks who seemed to be following me...I just didn't want to get stuck in that awkward position where you can neither understand nor answer the probably-awkwarder questions the staff asks in a different language. Seriously, life is hard. Presenting some wonderful ways to waste your money...

Now you can be a baller too

 Wish you were a little bit taller? Can't help you. Wish you were a baller? Good news!

For the record, I totally wanted to buy this just to say I owned a fruit baller. I'm sure people use it (google shows that melon ballers are a particular favorite) but man I just think it looks like fun.

Are you bored of your seaweed looking like...well, boring old seaweed? Well now you can liven up your lunchbox with this handy little device! Pick from several different exciting shapes like heart, stars and what appears to be an entire pig's head. Order now, and we'll throw in an ambiguous rabbithead/peacesign ab-so-lute-ly free!







The smiling Babe brings to mind another little favorite of mine that I find a lot around these parts, the real cheerful pig head. Given the size of the grin, I'm guessing this is the one whose house was made of bricks...unfortunately for piggie numbero tres, consumerism has managed what the big bad wolf couldn't. RIP, my porky little friend. Now, who's up for some bacon?






No more boo-boos slicing carrots and cucumbers; future chefs have no fear, the vegetable clamp is here! This little baby ensures your kitchen stays cut-free and blood-free. Disclaimer: the vegetable clamper is not responsible for any injuries caused to your dignity.







And finally, this I actually had to buy as it cost me about a dollar. Perfect dumplings every time..now I need to perfect the actual wrappers as they have been turning out a tad too thick. Of course if they turn out well enough to feed to other people, I'm going to hide this mold and pretend I'm just that good. Naturally.


 And finally, this little charmer was spotted an hour ago by mi madre:

Thank god, because for a minute there I was getting worried

Oh Asia..

VISA ISSUES SUCK. Seriously. So over it.

As I mentioned to my darling friend just before leaving, deep in my rather embarrassing mind I liked comparing myself to one of those princesses that was whisked away from danger and put on a train to anywhere with guards and jewels. Unfortunately, I was really boarding a train to the middle of absolutely nowhere with a plump, fairly boring, passable-English speaking thirty-ish year old woman as my guardian. There wasn’t much danger besides death from that silent assassin, boredom. No, this wasn’t punishment (although I do wonder…) it was necessity.

Well the next week was possibly the most sleep I have ever constantly had. I’m talking midnight to nine, two to six daily for lack of absolutely ANYthing to do. We were sharing a room to keep expenses down but goddam this city had NOTHING. Everything was closed thanks to a certain occasion being celebrated, and as the cuisine is a personal favorite of mine I had been hoping for decent fare, but no, absolutely not. Another new experience: I have never eaten fried chicken for six days in a row before. Nor have I been to the same few shops daily when I had nothing to buy whatsoever. Life’s all about new experiences – well frankly, you can skip these if they’re on your list. Thank god I really, really, really like fried chicken. My guardian claimed she had been here plenty and knew the shops and restaurants but surprise surprise, from the very beginning she said the hotel she knew had shut down as had, over the course of the next week, all the shops and restaurants. Suspicious hm?

So we were left with me, this lady and my computer. Thank god for the computer, but explaining certain words to a thirty-ish year old woman can be slightly uncomfortable. Maybe it was my fault to pick movies like Love Actually, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the largely thought/question-provoking 40 Year Old Virgin, but at her repeated insistence for a “Romance movie” and my collection of guys-in-college-gathered Kick-Ass, Fight Club, Batman type movies, I didn’t have all that much to go on. I didn’t exactly fill my external hard drive with chick flicks since I had no intention of entertaining. So eliminating anything with too complex a plot (I was not explaining the Butterfly Effect though I did watch that for the first time ever and loved it! Nor Midnight in Paris although that movie certainly has a new take on romance), scattered accents (my ever-favorite Snatch) or too much blood (Tonight we dine in Hell ring a bell?), we ended up with the films I mentioned above. The only one I really answered questions for, to be fair, was the 40 Year Old Virgin because that was enough to weird me out and put on my headphones for all future flicks. The first couple of questions were perfectly fine, and with a younger sibling I’ve had to answer certain ones before. “What is crush?” was a piece of cake, especially after she had just divulged every scrap of information pertaining to her newly forming boyfriend. Which, by the way, was a strange mix of girlfriends-sleepover-gossip mixed with the feeling of unfamiliarity of a complete stranger. Anyway, the one that prodded me to put on headphones for the rest – the innocently phrased “What is Chlamydia?” Er... Sexually Transmitted Disease was simple enough (usually I would have insisted on saying Infection, but I had the feeling the politically correct version may not have spread to this side of the world yet,  even if the infections themselves had) and I just agreed when she asked “Like AIDS?”. AIDS is a relatively new phenomenon here and thus every form in this bloody nation, be it for university, volunteer work, actual employment, whatever, requires constant HIV testing. Yeah I’m a tad bitter because I am absolutely terrified of needles and it’s not like they need it once every six months – they seem to ask for it whenever the mood strikes. Anyway, not wanting to get into the nitty gritty oh-so-appetizing details of Chlamydia, the headphones came on. 

On a lighter note, some "highlights" of the trip: 

funny ass condoms

Isn't he adorable?

Woof!

And the titillating bathroom wall in our last hotel (it was the last night once we crossed over the border)

Damn it's good to be home. Although, of course, after one whole week of hell (on the very last day I found out my companion speaks to God, in her head, on a regular basis and of course like EVERYone I seem to encounter these days, is homophobic....) I still came home without the visa I went for.